Adoption Diaries

Has anyone else seen Adoption Diaries on WEtv? I wasn't sure that I wanted to get into it because I knew I'd get hooked, and I was worried it would be too emotional for me. Well, I was watching The Locator, which also makes me emotional (but I still love it!), and Adoption Diaries just started right after that. I was intrigued by the woman's story and then I couldn't turn it off. I ended up watching two episodes, which both ended with the adoptive parents getting to take home their babies, but of course, for the drama, they make it seem as if that might not happen. Gosh! What an emotional roller coaster! I really have to applaud those couples/families in the adoption process. They are so incredibly strong and understanding, it's amazing.
The women's stories were sounding a little too familiar and it was making me sad and scared. One of the adopting moms said that she had 4 miscarriages and learned that she has an auto immune type disease where her body thinks the pregnancy is a foreign body to be expelled. She said that she'd hear a heart beat one week, then it'd be gone a short time later. That of course got me wondering and worried if I have the same problem. I tried to look it up on the internet, but I don't know what this particular ailment is called, and I couldn't find it. However, I did find other articles/comments about miscarriage, and those just led me down hill. It only made me more upset to hear the "doctor" respond that there is nothing you can do to prevent miscarriage, it's just nature's way of getting rid of what wouldn't make it anyways; and then to read what all the other women were going through, it was heart breaking.
Here is my advice: Don't search the internet for answers to your fears or concerns. Most of the time, it only makes them worse, and chances are, that stuff doesn't apply to you anyways. It's best to ask your doctor any questions or concerns you have. Every woman, couple and situation is so individual, I don't think we can ever compare ourselves exactly.
Good luck with all your efforts, let us know how it's going!

Finally Some Direction!

A month after making the appointment, I finally saw my new doctor today! It was a really interesting appointment. No pleasantries, we all met and said hello, then he started asking about our history, have you done this test? What were the results of that test? Have you done this or that? And so on... From there he said ok, we're going to do a blood test on you next week to test progesterone and a couple other things. Then we're going to do a "hamster egg penetration" test with a sample from My Love. I've never heard of this, but I guess they put his sample together with hamster eggs to see if his sperm can penetrate them. I couldn't help but laugh at this! I wanted to ask if his sperm penetrates the hamster eggs, would we get to keep our hamster babies? Then a few days after my next period we'll do a dye test to make sure my tubes are open and my uterus is shaped right. He also gave me a pregnancy safe prescription for my anxiety. Wah Hoo!! I really hope it works. And, I don't have to take the progesterone this month, Yay! I think that made me a little moody ;)
So, all in all, I didn't get any answers to our problems but I'm happy that I feel like we have some direction. I was very pleased with his confidence and feel that he really knows what he's doing and will do what he can to help us. Let's hope all these tests give us the answers we need.
How is your fertility progress going?

Fertility Doctors at St. Marks?

Megan has a great question!

I was just wondering if anybody knows any good doctors at St. Marks Hospital that are a little more aggressive with their fertility treatment. My sister is trying to get pregnant and she can't go to my doctor!

Thank You!

I just want to say thank you to everyone for all your sweet comments. I'm feeling much better now. Not so bummed out at least. I'm still doing my best to keep busy. And yes, junk food helps! Sometimes I really want to curse these hormones, but then again, without them, we wouldn't ever be able to bare children, right?
All I can say is, I LOVE Sundays! Even if nothing specific happens, I always feel better when I'm at church and then bring that good feeling home. Too bad it kinda wears off by Monday eh. But we'll keep trying!
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend and have a wonderful short week! Let me know if you are feeling bummed out, or if you have any questions you want to ask that someone else here might be able to answer. Or let me know if you are having success or frustrations. I want to know what's going on with all of you! Thanks for all your support to me and each other.

Bummed Out

I really try to be positive most of the time, but these last few days I have been really bummed.
Warning: Lots of whining beyond this point, proceed at your own risk!
I'm not really sure what's going on... I like to blame all my emotions on hormones, because we all know things are going crazy in here! When I cry at a Disney Channel movie, I think it's safe to blame hormones, so I am going to go with that.
I quit my job thinking/hoping that I would feel better, have less stress and anxiety, have more time to get things done and to do things I enjoy, eat better, and mostly just enjoy life! So far, I have been tired, anxious, grumpy, lazy, unmotivated, sad, and a hermit. Total opposite of what I was trying to achieve! I tried to go to bed earlier and get up earlier; I tried creating projects and things to do; I tried thinking of errands to run; nothing is really having a lasting effect. Then I'm feeling guilty because I worry that my parents think I'm just being a lazy mooch.
I really thought quitting my job would help relieve my stress and anxiety, I could eat better, and finally gain some weight that I've lost from all that. So far... nothing. I've still felt anxious a lot, I'm not really eating differently, and I'm not gaining weight! How can I get pregnant if I don't gain weight? This was the whole purpose for our plans.
I thought progesterone was going to be the answer I have been looking for since my first miscarriage in December of 2006. So far, no pregnancy... it just makes me start my period. I'm so confused, lost, upset, frustrated, sad, and hopeless. I tried looking up info on progesterone online yesterday. I read some questions and answers, and a blog of a girl who had the same problem as me, and progesterone worked for her! You'd think that would make me feel better, like it will work for me. No, it made me feel the opposite! I just keep getting more upset with my previous Dr. and his lack of knowledge, attention, and help to me. I have an appointment with my new Dr. but it's not for another 2 weeks. (He was a month out!) It can't come soon enough. I'm also looking for a mental health professional because I'm worried I can't handle all this on my own. There you have it. My secret. I'm crazy and need help!
My Love has been very supportive and so sweet, but that just feels like a band aide on a broken leg. We have also been asked to speak in our ward. Public speaking is not something I enjoy, nor am I good at. Normally, if I just use my time to prepare I can feel ok about it, but I have no motivation to prepare. All I can do is think about how scary it's going to be, and am I going to be able to curb my anxiety enough to make it through the meeting.
I have cramps. No one likes cramps, but they really just make me sad, and angry. It's like every cramp is a slap in the face, you're still NOT pregnant! Way to add insult to injury. All I want to do is lay in bed in my jammies, eat cookies and fried food, and watch mindless movies. But then my brain tells me that's disgusting and not productive. Get up and do something, and you'll feel better. Well, I'm up, I've showered, I've played on the internet, and I still feel terrible. Maybe I need to go outside, get some fresh air and sun. I'll try that.
I'm sorry to anyone that actually read through this whole post. I usually try to put a positive spin on things, no matter how I'm feeling, but not today. Better luck tomorrow.