Monday, July 13, 2009

Infertility Etiquette

Just a follow up on a previous post about how to talk to people who are having infertility issues. My good friend sent me a link to this article, and it looks great. Let me know what you think.
Infertility Etiquette

Temporary Leave of Absence

Well friends, I am actually in the middle of a move, and my Internet will be turning off tomorrow. Unfortunately I won't be able to post for a few weeks, but I hope you will all continue to leave comments about how you are doing, any questions or subjects you want to talk about, and continue to create connections with each other for support. I wish there was a better way of posting here, like a note board or something, so we can all be connected to each other and have a place to go when good or bad things happen and we want to talk. Let me know what you guys think. Also, you are always welcome to email me at iwannagrowpeople.gmail.com. I will be checking my emails often (I just can't use blogger, dumb work restrictions ;) Stay strong everyone, you are all so wonderful and good things will happen soon, for all of us!

The Infertility Goddess' Story

My story isn't anything much at all. But the thing that is important is that it is my story.
I married the most perfect man ever at the age of 20. Boy was I mature then...not. He and I had been junior high and high school sweethearts and I never have doubted that he was my prince charming. I always had a gut feeling that I would have a difficult time becoming pregnant. I've always been pretty sick with periods and such and so I felt like there must be something different about me. Once we began trying my husband continued to tell me that he was sure it was all in my head and that I would be able to get pregnant immediately. I began to convince myself of the same thing. We were both wrong. We tried for a year, and we all know how fun filled that can be sometimes. I went to speak with my OBGYN and he told me that I wasn't ovulating. Well duh...is that what a 5 month cycle means :). So, they put me on our best friend, clomid. Each month was the same old thing. Blood test=.04 progesterone level. Nothing. I continued on this road for about 6 months, 6 months full of heartache and tears. Finally I went for another opinion at the fertility clinic. I was diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis. That makes some more sense. No wonder I gained about 45 pounds and had facial hair and felt sick all the time. I've been on metformin and femara and provera for a few months now. For the first time in our experience I had a positive ovulation test last Friday. We took videos of it. I go in for that infamous blood test tomorrow, wish me luck. I come from a family of five fertile women who amaze me and have always supported me. I feel blessed to have them. I constantly find myself upset that others can seem to simply wash their jeans with their spouse (or even some guy on the street) and end up with a beautiful baby. I truly believe there is a reason for everything, I just wish it didn't have to be so hurtful to those of us who suffer. There it is. Nothing earth shattering, but it hurts me just the same.

Love,
The infertility goddess

I just want to say, don't give up! I know several people with these same problems, and they have had babies. It can happen, just not always when we want it to. Stay strong, and we all hope the best for you in the coming weeks! Keep us updated on how things are going. I have hope and faith for success for you, and all of us here who want to start our families.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Ovulation Tests?

I have some questions about the best ways to figure out when you are most fertile. For those who are actively trying, or have had success or failure with some products, what do you think?

What do you think about ovulation tests? Do they work for you? What kind do you use? What about fertility monitors? Have you ever used one? How do they work? What methods have you used for figuring out your most fertile days? If it's not too personal, how often do you do "the baby dance" to optimize your chances?

I have used ovulation tests with some success, and some failure. I also bought this really expensive monitor, but it didn't do the trick, although it may have been thrown off because I was on Clomid at the time (even though it has a setting to account for that). Anyways, I'm just really curious what you have tried and how it's worked!
This is the monitor I bought. You put it on your tongue every morning and it tests your electrolytes or something. Then there is a vaginal sensor too you use during certain days of your cycle and it's supposed to test something there too. I forget, I haven't used it for a long time. Maybe I should start again.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

How Should Fertile Myrtle Talk to You?

My friend Courtney sent me these questions the other day. I think they are really great, and I wish I had the answers. What do you think?

She said:
I never know what to say when people have fertility problems. I don't want to be insensitive, but I want them to know that I care. I want them to know they can talk to me, but I don't want to be nosy.
Is it ok to ask questions if someone tells you she had a miscarriage or that she has fertility problems?
Is it helpful to hear stories of other people you know?
What is the best way to tell a friend you are pregnant if you know they are struggling?

A few of my thoughts:
Well for me, obviously, I don't mind if people ask me questions about my fertility problems. I was maybe a little more reserved at first, because it can be embarrassing sometimes, or just hard to talk about because it makes me sad. I think it's ok to ask questions, and maybe pay attention to how they are answering as to whether they want to really talk about it or not. For some people it feels really good to talk it out, others prefer to be more private.
I really like to hear other people's stories because I feel like I have a buddy (for lack of a better word, I can't think), someone who understands what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. Someone who doesn't judge me for the terrible/angry thoughts I have. Someone to make me feel normal and validated in my feelings. I hate to say misery loves company, but it's kinda true. Not that any of us ever wanted to be in this situation, or would ever wish it on any of our friends, but it's nice to know there is someone who understands.
And that last question, I think that's the hardest. I'm still not sure the best way. My brother called me after work while I was waiting for My Love and just said it, like he was telling me they bought a puppy or something. It was big news, but he didn't make a huge deal out of it. Somehow, that helped. At least to us, they didn't make a huge production out of it, like neener neener neener. I think it's best to hear it from that friend or family member too. I think it's worse when you find out with the rest of the world on a blog or facebook post. But that's just me.

What are your thoughts?

Now, I have another question from this side. I have always been hesitant to make friends with other women who have babies because I love babies so much and I don't want them to think I only want to be friends with them because they have a baby. So, I either just avoid them, or I kind of ignore their baby until we are better friends, so she knows I really want to be friends with her, not just her baby. Is this totally stupid? Am I the only crazy one who thinks this much about dumb things? I guess, I'm just wondering how people with babies feel about having friends without babies.

In the News Today

I saw this story in the news today.

Plea deal in the works for man accused of beating pregnant girl
July 8th, 2009 @ 11:26am
SALT LAKE CITY -- A plea deal could soon be reached in the case of a man accused of beating a pregnant woman so she would have a miscarriage.
Arron Harrison is currently charged with second-degree felony attempted homicide in connection with the beating in May.
Prosecutors say the 17-year-old girl asked Harrison to help her terminate her pregnancy, and he did so by punching her repeatedly in the stomach.
The Salt Lake Tribune reports lawyers for Harrison told a judge on Tuesday they are working with prosecutors to bring the case to a conclusion without going to trial.
The 17-year-old has already pleaded guilty to second-degree felony criminal solicitation to commit murder.
The baby survived the attack and will be placed in care of the state after birth.


I have to say, I did not have nice thoughts after reading this. I know kids are stupid and some think they should be pardoned because their brains aren't developed enough to tell them just how stupid they are... but honestly... I was thinking that this kid should not get off on a plea deal, and the girl should not be able to ever get pregnant again (not that we have any control over that). Maybe that's too harsh, but that is how stories like this make me feel. There are so many wonderful people out there who want to have families more than anything, and stupid teenagers do things like this.
Sorry, I'm off my soap box now.

McKenna's Story

Sorry it took me so long to get this posted McKenna. I think it's a really important story, and thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.

There is not an easy way to tell such stories.
These experiences have broken my heart, crushed my faith, stolen my hope. But, and there is a but, if one person can read this and say, 'I can make it,' then I will have not suffered these trials in vain. Isn't that the point? We are here to help each other. To love and understand and lift up. Maranda, you are going to touch so many people. Thank you for allowing me to share these things in hopes that I can do the same.
No one has a 5 year plan that says, 'Lose your baby, have a brain tumor, live happily ever after.'
Trust me, these weren't my thoughts either.
When I got married at the ripe age of 21, I was full of hopes and dreams. I don't think I was diluted, but I think I was not aware of the situations that could come my way. My husband and I didn't really want kids, especially not right away. We decided that after school and careers had been establish then we would discuss the idea of being parents. I was engaged for 5 months, and you had better believe that the week after J proposed I was on birth control. Well, did you hear about how it works like, 99.9% of the time? I must have awesome odds, because a couple weeks after I was married (and yes, I was taking my pills RELIGIOUSLY) I became pregnant. My doc just shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Well, it happens. It doesn't work 100% of the time ya know.' Well, okay. I am ashamed to share with you my reaction to said pregnancy. I cried. Hard. Not because I was happy either. I was devastated. I saw all my dreams going down the crapper. I was surrounded by 7 different pregnancy tests, all showing a positive result, when my husband found me. He was much more excited, bless his sweet soul, but it took me a while to warm up to the idea of being a mother. At 21. My pregnancy was hard. I ended up getting kidney stones, infections, bed rest. 2 days before Christmas I started spotting and cramping. J rushed me to the ER and we both heaved a huge sigh of relief to know that it was just a little tear, and that our baby was just fine. The ultrasound showed an active, healthy baby. Christmas carried on as planned. I was tired and sick, but knowing that my child was safe, I could handle that. I had grown to love this little being inside me. After seeing the baby on the screen, hearing the heartbeat, I realized I was a part of something so much bigger than I ever thought I could be. One week later I fell ill again. I was rushed to the hospital and put on IV's, and was told that my body was under a lot of stress, but baby was doing fine. They just wanted to get 'mommy' healthy.
How I wish that I was prepared more for what was about to happen.
That night I went home from the hospital, I felt like a bomb had gone off in my body. For the sake of making sure this story doesn't take up way more space than is necessary, I lost my daughter at almost 20 weeks. She had died, simple as that. To make it even worse, there was no answer. No reason. My doctor had no idea what had happened. I was admitted, again, to the hospital, where I went through 12 hours of induced labor (with only morphine mind you) only to deliver and say goodbye to my dead daughter. After I held her for a few brief moments, they took her away. I have no doubt that they took my heart with them as they disappeared from my room with my daughter.
MY daughter.
The next year, well, I don't remember much of it. I didn't know how to mourn our child. (Whom we had named Addalyn Liese upon finding out we were going to have a girl) I felt lost and alone and worst of all, cheated. This created more of a desire in me to be a mother. We tried, only to lose 2 more pregnancies. I will say that we were blessed to not have to go through our first experience again. These losses were 8 weeks along.
The next series of events came so fast and so hard that I still can't believe they happened.
I was diagnosed with a septum in my uterus. That is no bueno. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) accompanied by pre-mature ovarian failure, which consequently, tosses my body into menopause. I decided against the surgery, at that time, to take out the septum, but decided to take Clomid (which I like to call satan's favorite drug) and Metoformin to see if we could control the PCOS and possibly get pregnant. That was short lived. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in November of '07, just a month and a half shy of a year from our first loss.
Um, right. Me? Brain tumor? No, really?
I looked at those scans over and over again. I was too young (22) to be going through this. The tumor was in the middle of my brain, pushing on optic nerves, crushing my pituitary gland and pushing into my brain. I affectionately named the tumor Tubby (as I had gained oh, 80lbs from him) and was sent to a neurosurgeon to asses our options.
I had brain surgery in February of '08. I almost died in the ICU because my heart became to weak. I was left with only 1/2 a pituitary gland and really bad eyesight. Oh, and did I mention they told me I would NEVER be able to conceive?
Ever.
No, like ever.
It's been a little over a year since my surgery. My husband and I continue to attempt to cope with our situation. Adoption is our eventual plan, but right now we are just trying to accept our life. To heal. We have been blessed with family and friends who have picked up our shattered pieces. We also have those who shatter our hopes once we've attempted to put it all together. There are people who love, people who hurt, and we have to navigate life knowing that I will never be pregnant again, that we will never experience what we have desired so deeply. I am in no way saying Adoption isn't going to be amazing, that it isn't going to fill those void, but this, infertility, is so complex and hard to wrap your head around. Why when so many women out there, who probably should NOT be having babies, can have them when I am left stranded and barren.
I won't say that I know the answers. That I understand it. I don't. I don't think that in the term of my mortal life I will. I have to learn to be okay with that. It's hard when what you want is what you can't have. When you have to fight tooth and nail for something that comes so naturally 90% of the time.
Oh, how blessed to be a statistic.
I hope that those of you who are traveling this road know that there is compensation, there is peace, even if I don't believe it at times. I believe that finding connections with those who are enduring like trials can byou you and help you through the black days. You, in turn, will be able to offer that same love and hope for something else. Living through this is a war with yourself sometimes, trust me I know, but it's doable. Even when you have NO clue how you got out of bed this morning.
Being LDS brings a whole new level of complexity and confusion, at least for me, and it's hard for me to express those feelings. I have spent a lot of time being mad at God, and just within the past 6 to 12 months have come back to 'the church.
To all of you, and to Maranda, thank you for being brave, for being strong, and for bringing me comfort.
McKenna's Blog

Thursday, July 2, 2009

My Thought For the Day

I really want to have a little baby to hold, and hug and kiss, and take cute pictures and video of. I want a baby to show off to all my friends and family and have them tell me how adorable he/she is. I seem to always wish I had a baby more around holidays, you know when everyone is getting together. I just can't stop thinking about that today. Anyone else have those days when it seems to consume all your thoughts?

What is your thought for the day?

I hope you all have a fantastic 4th of July weekend!