Introduction

(I'm sorry this is really long, but I'll try to break it up into paragraphs to make for easier reading)

I thought I would get the ball rolling by posting my story. I don't post much on my personal blog about our struggles because I don't want to come off as whining, but I think this is the perfect place for all of us to tell our stories.
I married My Love in Aug. 2004. I have wanted children for as long as I can remember, but we thought it would be smart to wait until I finished school. Plus, those two years would give us plenty of time to get to know each other and start our happy life together. So, May of 2006 I quit taking birth control. We tried all summer long, according to the online ovulation calculators. Unfortunately, we were always way off because my cycles were a lot longer that those calculators planned for.
When we weren't pregnant after 6 months of trying, we went in to my OB/GYN, as instructed, just to see if we could get any answers. He told me to use the at home ovulation (pee stick) tests and when I got a positive to call them, and they would make some appointments for me to get some ultrasounds done to make sure I was in fact ovulating. My cycles were really long and varied, so this was something they wanted to rule out.
That November, I did as the Dr. said, and during the next week of ultrasounds, the technician just kept telling me that the ovary(s) was getting bigger. I guess that meant it was just taking longer to burst. So we kept doing the "baby dance" for the rest of the week, and maybe beyond, I don't remember. The week after Thanksgiving we found out we were pregnant. I had some pretty funny signs including getting very lightheaded when standing and bursting into tears over a bad hair day and a pair of shoes.
We were thrilled! We went out and bought a baby book so we could document everything from day one. Unfortunately, one week after finding out we were pregnant, I started spotting, and feeling terrible. I'm pretty sure I was feeling terrible because I was so scared I was losing my baby. I went in to the Dr. as soon as I could, and they told me that my cervix was still closed, but that there was some discharge. He tried to reassure me that it could be nothing, but they couldn't say for sure. They ordered blood tests for the next several days to see if my HCG levels were going up (growing baby), or going down (miscarriage).
Well, I guess you know the rest of the story. My levels on the first test were over a thousand, and the girl from the Dr.'s office called and said "Congratulations, you're about 4 weeks pregnant!" I said thanks, but that didn't make me feel any better because I was actually about 6 weeks pregnant. The next call was devastating when she told me my levels had dropped to 500. I asked her three times what the levels were because I didn't want to believe it. The last test didn't matter because I knew my baby was already gone. I cried for days and days, but was determined to not give up.
We waited a month to start trying again, but again it took several months to get it right. In June of 2007, I found out I was pregnant again! I tried to do everything I could think of to keep this baby healthy and inside of me, but I was having a hard time with feeling a little nauseated and didn't eat as much as I probably should have. Not to say that had anything to do with what happened next, but I can't help but think about it. Again, one week after we got the positive pregnancy test, I was at work and started spotting again. Luckily My Love worked across the street so I rushed over to him. He told me he would take me right to the doctor. I went back to tell my boss I was leaving, and as I'm bawling telling her I think I am miscarrying for the second time, she hugs me and tells me that she had two miscarriages too, and then she couldn't have anymore kids. Um, talk about NOT what you want to hear at that moment!
We went to the doctor, and again, they said my cervix was still closed, but there was discharge, so they wanted to do the blood tests again. The first level came back much lower than the last time, somewhere in the hundreds I think. The second level I think was only 20 something, and the third level was in the single digits. From the moment I discovered I was probably miscarrying again, I immediately detached myself from the situation. I no longer thought of myself as being pregnant, I would only consider it to be a normal period because I couldn't go through the heart-wrenching pain I went through the first time. It actually helped a lot and I was able to get back to life a lot quicker.
My family knew about both pregnancies, but they were the only ones, so it was a little easier to only have to tell them, and not everyone we knew. We continued to try to get pregnant for the next year and a half. My new doctor recommended that we get My Love tested, and it turned out he had some troubles with malformed swimmers. I'd like to have him retested someday because that was during a very stressful time in our life, and I think that may have caused some of the problem.
Anyway, my periods would go back to normal right after I miscarried, the usual 28-29 days. But months later, they started getting irregular again. My Dr. gave me the lowest dose of Clomid and said as long as I ovulate (=have a period) then he won't up the dose. We tried that for a few months, along with ovulation tests, and nothing. Next we decided it was time to try IUI (IntraUterine Insemination). So I was on the Clomid, would take the ovulation tests, and when I got a positive (weekday or weekend) we would go to our Dr. to be inseminated. I always thought this would make us SUPER FERTILE, but my doctor told me it only makes us more like normal couples. Bummer. Well, after three rounds of that not working, we were out of money and had holiday vacations coming up to worry about. We decided to just relax and let nature take it's course.
So that is where we are at now. We decided not to pursue anymore fertility treatments until we get our life in order and where we want to be. We are not preventing pregnancy by any means, but we are also taking the time to enjoy each other and doing everything we can to prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually so we will be ready when Heavenly Father is ready to send us our little bundle of joy. We're not giving up! In a few months, when we hopefully get our lives settled a little more, if we are still having no luck, we plan to find a fertility specialist who can hopefully help. This three year journey has been the biggest roller coaster of my life. I have been through friends and close family getting pregnant and having babies. I have seen almost everyone (it seems) in my ward get pregnant and have babies, and are now on to their second babies. I still feel the sting in my heart every time I hear another person I know is pregnant. But I have survived, and I feel like I am a better person for it.